http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/23/health/23well.html?em&ex=1193371200&en=5758670f0ceca03a&ei=5087%0A
Money quote #1:
"I certainly never expected to be a “co-sleeping” parent."
Alright. I'm very happily married, and my wife and I will, at some point, be having a couple or more of those life-sucking entities known as "children." I don't know a whole lot about raising them, as, I guess, most people don't, but I can guaran-damn-tee y'all one thing. I will certainly never be a "co-sleeping parent." In fact, I'm pretty sure there's some sort of law against "co-sleeping." Ask my wife. She's a lawyer.
Alright "co-sleeping?" I just adore your new word, by the way. There's already a word for it, hon. It's "co-dependent." Or "whiny." Or "pathetic." Or "creepy."
Money quote #2"
"...getting her out of the bed as she got older has been next to impossible."
Kind of like getting her to eat anything other than McNuggets? Getting her to behave in public? Getting her not to run around the restaurant when mommy is getting sloshed on her 2nd glass (Ohmygod, i can't believe I've had 2 glasses!!! I feel so drunk. Come give Mommy a kiss!) of bottom-shelf White Zinfandel?
Some situations I'd like to point out:
"Can we turn off the lights, Mommy, I'm tired?"
"No, honey. I promised Mr. Jones he could see my face."
"Mommy! Mr. Snuggles is all sticky!"
(deep voice) "Tell your mommy to swallow next time."
and so forth.
Money quote #3:
"the practice is widely frowned on, not just by grandparents and friends..."
Hahahahaha...I'm guessing her grandparents and your friends, you creepy bitch.
Money quote #3:
"Nearly 13 percent of parents in the United States slept with their infants in 2000..."
YES! Infants! INFANTS!!! Yes. Totally ok. Children old enough to make ladders out of Doritos bags in their sleep and wake you up to tell you about it need their own room. Preferrably the basement. With shackles. And slowly dripping water. Oh, wait. Don't worry. You're making her insane enough on your own.
Money quote #4 (and I'm only 5 paragaphs in, folks):
"Ask parents if they sleep with their kids, and most will say no."
Because they don't. Oh..wait for it. Insert supposed statistics about people not reporting what they're not doing and create a percentage for me. Please? Ass something in about global warming to make me believe it. C'mon. Really. Only like 40% of people are really that creepy, and most of them don't have kids; they're uncles named Rob.
Useless statistic #1:
"Parents who slept with their children reported a much higher frequency of nighttime wakings than parents who did not."
Wait a minute. Parents who were 3 inches away from their kids noticed their kids waking up more often than those who were shackled in the basement? Who'd've thunk?
Tangetial rant #1:
"the nurses insisted that I hold her in my hospital bed because her cries were disturbing the other babies."
Uh. I'm sorry. Fuck the fuck off you fucking fuckers. You get paid to deal with that shit. The lady had a C-section, and if you're not clear on that, it's when they go in through your chest, take out your lungs and heart and stomach, grab the baby then superglue all that shit back in. Or something. Anyway, it hurts. It's a MAJOR surgery. When I had knee surgery, my folks and friends weren't let into the room for about 6 hours, and I was under constant supervision. They sure as hell didn't bring me some squalling little ball of snot, tears and shit and say, "hey, hold this would you? It's crying."
Money quote to close:
"“I can tell you with certainty,” he says, “that one day you will wake up, and she won’t be there.”
I'm pretty sure that's what Charles Manson's mom found out, too.
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